Check-In: Is your Stress-Management Routine working?
Ever wish you could turn-down the stress?
There are times that we expect to experience stress. After all, stress is a natural part of life (read my article: Understanding Stress to learn more)!
Our bodies have natural ways to deal with those cycles of stress. And for a little help, there are countless Stress-Management techniques available to support us.
In fact a quick google search will tell you that the annual spend on Stress Management techniques in North America is in the billions, and is increasing year over year.
With so many choices, you probably have your favourites…
But what happens when the stress we experience becomes persistent?
Suddenly, your body’s natural defences can’t keep up with your state of stress.
What about your Stress Management routine? Is it keeping up?
The truth is, no matter how good your stress management technique or routine has been for you in the past, when the stress in your life turns from normal to chronic (with a hearty helping of chaotic), it may just stop working for you.
If you’re unsure, let’s check-in!
Top 10 Ways You’ll Know That Your Stress-Management Routine Has Stopped Working
1) You are waking up during the night and can’t turn off your brain
The hours of 3-5am are notorious as busy-brain, sleepless hours. The hours where you toss and turn and all the activities of the day before and day ahead stream like the worst kind reality/horror Netflix series.
All the worries and fears are churning about and you could get up and get a start on that never-ending to-do list or lie there hoping you’ll fall asleep again.
2) Your first thought in the morning is of your To-Do list
The moment your eye’s pop open, your mind is flooded with all the things you need to get to today.
All the things that you didn’t get to yesterday and all the new things that need to get done today.
It’s your first thought of the day…and perhaps even your last of the day!
3) You have a sick anxious-y feeling in your belly or that persistent feeling of panic
If you know, you know.
It’s like that feeling you get when you suddenly realize you forget a deadline. You jump when the phone rings. You’re afraid to look at the text.
The sick-y, panic-y feeling pops up at the littlest thing making you feel like you’re perpetually about to get sent to the principal’s office.
4) Your kick-butt morning workout high fizzles out by mid-day
You’re getting up pre-dawn to crush it at the gym! You do all the reps, getting a head start on the day, making it all happen like the pro you are!! And then….
By 10am you feel frantic when a new deadline hits, your project timeline changes (again!!), your co-worker blows off a meeting, your kid forgot their lunch and now it’s suddenly up to you to get it to the school.
No amount of coffee in the world is going to make this day better!
5) You feel pendulum-like swings in your mood and energy all day
Like a roller-coaster, you’re up and down and feel out of control. Just when you get on a roll you’re met with a wave of exhaustion or a sudden burst of emotion. As you prepare to ride the wave, you check out your social media or pop in a Ted Talk or motivational podcast. Suddenly you get your groove back and just hope it will get you through another hour or two of productive time. Feeling out of control and vulnerable to every ebb and flow.
6) You find yourself emotional-eating or forgetting to eat
When we’re stressed, our connection to and understanding of food and hunger can become distorted.
We may instead associate food and eating to how it makes us feel - it soothes, comforts and offers distraction. Alternatively, we can become so overwhelmed or busy that we fail to notice the signals of hunger (let alone the time), or simply feel like we can’t stop to eat.
Weight gain or loss can also be signals that your stress-management routine has stopped being effective.
7) You are perpetually exhausted
Maybe you’re not sleeping well (see 1 above) or maybe you feel like you just never get enough sleep (even after a solid 8 hours, or more).
You feel like you’re crawling through the day and could drop off to sleep standing up. No amount of coffee is keeping your eyelids from feeling heavy….you get the point.
Exhausted has become your normal, and it makes you tired even thinking about it.
8) You’re crashing on the couch at the end of the day with the TV remote and/or a glass of wine
I don’t have to tell you that these are distractions - you know it!
But isn’t this what everyone does?
Binging a series is just so darn satisfying and quite honestly, you feel like it’s the only way to give your brain a break. The glass of wine helps you to relax and unwind (and sleep…see 1 and 7 above).
9) You don’t have time in your day for your Stress-Management Routine
I know…you know what you need to do.
You know exactly how to manage your stress because you’ve done it before and you know the benefits, the results and how good you can feel. The trouble is, you can’t manage to fit it in right now - because you’re busy and you're stressed.
So, you add it to the list for tomorrow and have the best intentions, and then it’s the first thing to fall off the list because there’s too much happening, too many other things that need to get done.
I know….so frustrating! And you feel mad and sad that you’re just not able to make it all happen - what the heck!
10) You’re still Stressed…
Hopping from one technique to the next, all the researching, the trial and error, all the hoping this will be the one that works. Or maybe the thing that used to be your tried and true stress-buster just isn’t doing the trick anymore.
Maybe this is obvious…but if you’re trying all the things AND still feeling stressed, then your stress management technique isn’t working (or no longer works) for you.
Your stress management technique should not cause you more stress.
Let me say that again:
Your stress management technique should not cause you more stress!
So, what to do instead?
If you’ve now confirmed that your stress management technique isn’t working you’re probably wondering a couple of things;
Why?
Now what?
Let me start with WHY
The reason your stress management technique isn’t working is because they are designed for managing day to day stress - those natural, everyday kinds of stress that we would normally have the energy reserves to process, digest and manage.
But, in a state of chronic or acute stress (defined as persistent and repeated stress over a prolonged period of time) stress management techniques simply can’t keep up or are insufficient in keeping your stress at bay - and not because there is something wrong with you!
What’s more, when all these techniques aren’t working (and you know this because you’re still feeling “stressed” - see top 10 list above) and/or you can’t fit them in, you feel defeated, frustrated - and begin the cycle again.
See my video playlist “Kim Talks Stress” to learn more about the Stress Cycle!
So, what now?
The answer is that you need to stop trying to MANAGE your stress.
Instead, TRANSFORM your relationship with it.
Now, I realize that may sound completely asinine or at best “aspirational”, but stay with me for a moment.
Let’s start here;
When we try to manage something - anything, we are trying to change the “thing”, the “experience” of it OR the “effect” of it to us. Managing our stress would have us seeking a change of something outside of ourselves (like a situation, person, thing) or to do something that helps us forget about it or minimize or relieve the effect the stress experience is having to us.
To transform our relationship with stress is to affect a change to the way that stress effects us.
It’s an inside job!
And your journey to transforming your relationship with stress can begin with one simple thing!
And instead of adding something to your day, you’ll begin your journey by leveraging something that you already do everyday.
Leveraging your daily routines!
Let’s break it down;
Step 1: Pick something that you do everyday.
For example;
Eating
Driving or your daily commute
Brushing or flossing your teeth
Exercising
Getting ready for bed
Or something else you do daily
Did you pick your thing yet?
Great! Now, the next time you do that thing I want you do only that thing.
That means;
No multi-tasking
No reading
No podcast
No media or TV
Turn off the radio when you’re in the car
No [you fill in the blank]
Just the thing…and nothing more for as long as the thing takes.
And then you can do whatever the next thing to do happens to be.
A 7-day challenge
Try doing just that thing everytime its time to do that thing for a whole week.
Just one week….you can do anything for a week, right?
And see what happens. I promise, if you don’t feel differently by the end of the week you can go back to whatever it is that you were doing before.
There’s no risk here….no downside….and the upside is limitless.
Now, I could go in to all the reasons this works - and is so impactful, but if you’re still reading I know that the 10 Reasons list above struck a chord.
And that’s enough to think about for right now.
All you need to do for now is decide if you’re going to step in to the 7-day challenge.
And I’d love to hear from you all that you discovered!
Until soon dear friends….sending love and gratitude,
🙏 Kim
